I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
