I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
