I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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