So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
