I'm going to jail i love you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Buhtt sex?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize