i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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