I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
