Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
