i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
