I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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