So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
