maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
