Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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