I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
