I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
