a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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