fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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