How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
