We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
