She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize