Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
