he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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