there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
