So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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