I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
