it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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