You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
