Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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