i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Operation Purity has been aborted
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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