It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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