I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
