She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
