So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize