blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
