just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
