"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love having hate sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
