the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
