he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
