Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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