he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
