My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
