ya dads aren't the best wingmen
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
