ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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