fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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