I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
