im six kinds of drunk right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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