you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
