i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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