Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
