Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
