I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
