i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
