he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
