Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
