watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
