Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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