Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come on in and take your pants off
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