I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
