i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
