You're my little dorito
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
