Do you still have your period?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
