There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Congratulations! We have a period
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize