I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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