I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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