Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
