I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
