what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
