hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
