We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize