I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
