There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
