i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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