Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She bit a glass in half.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
