do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
