so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
