girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
