Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dicks are not precious.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
