there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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