I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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