I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
