just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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