Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
