well you can't waste a boner
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
