he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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