OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
