I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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