I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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